Cup of Squid
~musings and folly~

We Need to Talk About Transmasculinity

This is a word vomit after finishing Leslie Feinberg’s Stone Butch Blues. My hope is that it opens a discussion around transmasculinity in general. Yes, I know. I’m late to the game. It surprised me how many of my queer friends have read Stone Butch Blues, knew of its existence, and yet until I came across it in someone’s bookshelf, it was never talked about. As if the presence and influence of this book, especially in a transmasc’s life, was assumed. Read more...

I'll Protect Myself; You Do Whatever

Except… That doesn’t work. I started writing this post last year in February. I was recovering from a hysterectomy during one of the bigger surges of COVID in the U.S. The surge made sense: it started picking up steam right after the holidays when everyone went home to marvel in what it was like to have a “normal life” again. I’d had dodged COVID at a 30-person superspreader during Thanksgiving, which later informed my decision to forego family gatherings all together. Read more...

National Day of Mourning

On Thursday, instead of celebrating with family and friends, many people recognized a Day of Mourning. This is not new. The generations of genocide is not new to those who’ve suffered, are currently suffering, or are tuned into the suffering others are experiencing (often by the hands of their own ancestors). I am in the lattermost category, as a great grandchild of immigrants from countries like Italy, Lithuania, and Greece. One of my grandfathers did not hail from any of these places, and instead used to take pride in having family that was on the first ship to this so-called country. Read more...

Asexuality, Aromanticism, and Emotional Detritus

There’s nothing more harrowing to me than being asked “why” when I’m asking someone to restructure a relationship. It’s immediately personal, deeply painful, and at some level, an inquisition. And it’s not the tongue-in-cheek inquisition in Monty Python. It’s not arguing about how dead the parrot is, either. Because, often, I find that I don’t know the parrot is dead until it stops squawking to be fed. The parrot in this case is my sexuality and my connection to romance. Read more...

Feel Your Feelings, Fool

I’ve had two people reach out to me in the last month about posts they’ve read on my blog. It’s been heartening to know that there are folks out there who are engaging with the material, and it also is motivating me to be more intentional when I post. Usually what goes here are unformed thoughts and ideas that I send out without much editing - and often don’t return to what I write. Read more...

Catch-2023

How can we continue like this - vaulting over increasingly larger cracks, now too large to merely step around? Will we need to rappel down one side, climb up the other, before more people feel moved to do anything? Or will massive swaths of bodies need to fall through these cracks, will the chasms need to become bottomless? Someone responded to a Mastodon post I wrote about disaster thoughts that thinking like this gets them caught in a loop. Read more...

Resisting Bad Resistance

My mind spills off of rest like oil jumping from a hot pan. When I think about napping or stopping so-called productive tasks in the name of more relaxing activities, I am instinctively re-routed to something I “have” to do. Even if it’s empty or busy, I somehow would rather do it than, say, reading or drawing - even going on a bike ride in my neighborhood. Basically anything I find pleasurable is off the table. Read more...

Echolocation in Online Spaces

I’m currently reading Undrowned by Alexis Pauline Gumbs. What I was prepared to read was a meditation about the connection we have with marine mammals and how that translates to Black feminism. What I was unprepared for was a revelation regarding the functionality of online spaces. Gumbs writes: “How does echolocation…change our understandings of ‘vision’ and visionary action? Is social media already a technology of bounce, of throwing something out there and seeing what comes back? Read more...

Call It What It Is

I promised myself that this week would be an art week. My goal was to do weekly themes for my hobbies to prevent myself from chaotically starting and not finishing different projects. However, the Vergennes high school in Vermont has decided to host Walt Heyer in their auditorium next week, so writing week is starting a little early. Who is Walt? He gets his claim-to-fame for spending eight years as a trans woman and “regretting it. Read more...

Reflecting: On Hope

It’s been hard for me to journal lately. I find that my internal narrator is reflecting silently these days, whether due to high stress or because my body chemistry is changing. Whatever the reason, I am attempting to go against that silence and tease out some of my own thoughts without its help. I celebrated the Seder for the first time two weeks ago, tapping into a merriment that I hadn’t experienced in a while. Read more...
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